Note: A lot of the subject matter included in this blog article is representative of content and discussion themes that can be found in Alan Roger Currie’s latest best-selling audiobook, The Beta Male Revolution: Why Many Men Have Totally Lost Interest in Marriage in Today’s Society. The audiobook is currently ranked in the Top 20 audiobooks in the category of Nonfiction > Gender Studies
Recently, I posted a comment on the timeline of my Facebook page regarding media personality Kim Kardashian (known to some as Kanye West’s wife). It was reported that she was robbed at gunpoint of her expensive jewelry, but some in the general public maintain an attitude of skepticism. After all, Ms. Kardashian is well known for being willing to do anything and everything to attract media attention to herself.
As I mentioned to one of my acquaintances on Facebook, I know exactly why Kim is so popular among many young women. She is physically attractive, possesses a high degree of sex appeal, and probably most notably, she participated in a highly publicized celebrity sex tape that went viral. Not only did Ms. Kardashian survive any harsh criticism or scrutiny that came her way as a consequence of that sex tape, she has been involved in three very public relationships since (two of which resulted in marriage) and has legions of loyal female fans.
Old-fashioned wives and mothers vs. Modern day wives and mothers
Love her or hate her, Kim Kardashian represents many wives and mothers in the 21st Century. If Ms. Kardashian had been born sometime between 1890 and 1940, she would have no career. No one would know who she is.
If you were a woman born in the latter part of the 19th Century or early part of the 20th Century, this is how your love life and sex life would more-than-likely unfold:
a) Your domineering father would have to approve of any ‘date’ you attended with a teenage boy or young man;
b) That teenage boy / young man would have to engage in a conversation with your father prior to each and every date;
c) Any sort of heavy-duty ‘making out’ would be frowned upon by your parents. And engaging in sex before marriage would have been out of the question. If you were to sneak and engage in sex before marriage, there would be a good chance that your parents would ban you from dating anyone else while you lived under their roof. Your parents would also seek to keep your ‘wild ways’ a ‘secret’ from the general public.
d) If you were to slip up and allow yourself to get pregnant outside the context of marriage, one of two things would happen: Your father would have a stern conversation with the father of the teenage boy / young man who got you pregnant; The boy would be pretty much forced to marry you, even if he did not really want to. Even if no ‘shotgun marriage’ scenario took place, you would probably be kicked out of the house and forced to stay with another relative or friend.
When I taught a college-level course in 2009 entitled Dating for 21st Century Singles at a local university in Northwest Indiana, I spent the first two classes of my course discussing the difference between what I referred to as Old School dating rituals and New School dating rituals.
“Old School” dating rituals pretty much centered around this general concept:
- A young man would ask out multiple women on a first ‘date’ (let’s say ten);
- Then, after all of the first dates, he would ask maybe six of the ten women out on a second date;
- Then, after all of the second dates, he would ask maybe two or three of the women out on a third date;
- Then, from there, he would choose one girl to ‘go steady’ with (sex would not be involved at all), and then eventually he would propose marriage to the girl, and the two would get married.
How the Victorian era and Dr. Freud’s ‘Madonna / Whore Complex’ contributed to Old School Dating
You see, during the middle to latter part of the 19th Century, there was a major push for women to always present themselves to men and society in general as ‘prudish good girl’ types who would remain a virgin up until the day they got married. This push was primarily fueled by what is known as The Victorian Era which originated in Britain.
Women of the Victorian era believed there were only two types of women: ‘marriageable’ women and ‘unmarriageable’ women. In simple terms, if you were a woman who engaged in sex prior to being married for the first time, you were considered to be promiscuous, and therefore, ‘unmarriageable.’ If you fell into this category, the best you could hope for was to become a man’s mistress, his concubine (i.e., a mistress who the wife knows about and approves of), or his courtesan (i.e., the 18th and 19th Century equivalent to a very private and discreet professional Call Girl or upscale Erotic Escort). Once a woman was labeled as promiscuous outside of the context of marriage, her chances of being proposed marriage to were somewhere between ‘slim’ and ‘none’ (the only women who were given somewhat of a ‘pass’ to engage in sex outside the context of marriage were widows and divorcées).
Also adding fuel to the delineations between the proverbial ‘good girl’ and ‘harlot’ were the assertions by legendary psychologist Dr. Sigmund Freud, and his very popular Madonna / Whore Complex theory. Freud argued that just about all men wanted to only marry a woman who shared the best and most desirable qualities of his own mother. On the flip side, he asserted that men only wanted to interact with highly promiscuous women for the sake of short-term and/or non-monogamous ‘casual’ sex, but never would they propose marriage to such a woman.
Then, there came a point when women in society were tired of having their love life and sex life dictated to them by their parents, and in particular, their overbearing and overprotective fathers as well as other men in society who they perceived as being highly sexist and chauvinistic. The casualties of World War I and World War II even left a lot of women without their fathers, so their mothers ended up leading the household. Many of those mothers empathized with their daughters’ romantic and sexual frustrations.
How the 1960s and 1970s changed everything
What I argue in my book, The Beta Male Revolution: Why Many Men Have Totally Lost Interest in Marriage in Today’s Society, is that the unofficial “dividing line” between OLD SCHOOL attitudes toward dating, relationships and sex and NEW SCHOOL attitudes toward dating, relationships, and sex is marked by that 15-year period between 1960 and 1974.
During this period, the birth control pill was introduced; the Second Wave of Feminism came into full swing; The ‘Free Love Movement’ and ‘Sexual Revolution’ left its mark on society’s sexual morals and values; Pornography began to be shown in adults-only theaters in many cities across the country; and last but not least, abortion was legalized because of the landmark Supreme Court case, Roe vs. Wade.
The end result of that 15-year transition from Old School dating to New School dating was that now, many women in society could choose to date who they really wanted to date and feel comfortable engaging in sex with men without marriage and/or monogamy playing a role in their decision-making. Many women began engaging in premarital sex and non-monogamous sex without any feelings of guilt or shame. Many women who happened to get pregnant outside the context of marriage chose to keep their babies (as opposed to having an abortion).
The interesting ‘side effect’ of this change in attitude from Old School dating to New School dating was that now, women no longer felt obligated to look for a man who was the ‘total package’ any longer. You see, prior to 1960, a woman generally looked to find a husband that had the most to offer her in one body. A potentially good father to children, a financial provider, an enjoyable and satisfying lover, someone to engage in great conversation with on a daily and weekly basis, and someone to attend a variety of social functions with.
Beginning with the mid-to-late 1970s, this scenario among women was no longer the case.
With New School dating, women could now ‘compartmentalize’ their choice of male companions to spend time with. In other words, women could now choose one man to be a financial provider type … another totally different man to be their satisfying lover … yet another man to be an entertaining conversationalist and platonic social companion … and another man to just be a good, emotionally empathetic and supportive (platonic) friend. Finding a man to be a ‘good father’ to children was no longer a high priority. Women witnessed their World War I and World War II widowed mothers handle the entire household just fine without a man’s presence in the house. Many women now took pride in being able to raise one or more children by themselves.
Most women no longer seek a man who is the ‘total package’ because they simply don’t have to
Initially, it was the men who had two types of women to choose from: ‘marriageable’ (i.e., the virginal ‘prudish good girl’ types) women and ‘unmarriageable’ (i.e., women who were known for being promiscuous and engaging in sex with men before marriage) women.
Now, it is the women who have not only two different types of men to choose from … but I assert in The Beta Male Revolution that women have as many as FOUR types of men to socialize with:
Total Alpha males – These are the men who women gravitate toward almost solely and specifically for enjoyable and satisfying sex. Women do not seek financial favors from these men, long-term romantic companionship or indefinite monogamy from these men, or platonic friendship from these men; If women allow themselves to get pregnant by these men, they pretty much expect the biological father not to be a regular part of their lives;
Alpha male with a few Beta traits & tendencies – These are the men who women strongly desire to spend time with for both their long-term sexual companionship and their long-term non-sexual companionship. If this man is already married, engaged, or otherwise romantically involved with a woman, other women will still invite them to engage in non-monogamous sex with them (i.e., they will offer to be these men’s mistress or side piece). Unlike Total Alpha male types (who typically frown on the idea of marriage and any other sort of long-term monogamous relationships with women), the men in this category usually do end up getting married and raising children at some point, but more than likely, they will find it extremely challenging to remain faithfully monogamous to their wives.
Beta male with a few Alpha traits & tendencies – These are the men who women gravitate toward only after these men have achieved a certain degree of education, a certain degree of career success and wealth, a certain degree of social status and/or fame, and these men have made it clear to the women they are interested in dating and marrying that they are willing to offer full and indefinite financial assistance and support to their wives and children. Without the ‘trappings of success,’ these men would be either completely and indefinitely ignored, or these men would be relegated to being treated like nothing more than ‘platonic friend only’ material.
Total Beta males – These are the men in society that some tend to harshly label as ‘losers’ when it comes to being able to attract the romantic and/or sexual interest of women. The men in this group are either completely and regularly ignored by women, or at minimum, women only interact with these men to be flattered by them, and to use them as an ’empathetic listening ear’ when the women want to vent about the problems, disappointments, and frustrations in their life. These men usually start out as ‘defenders’ of women (e.g., “White Knight” types or “Captain Save-a-Ho” types), but later on in life, these men transition into becoming very bitter and outspoken misogynists.
Welcome to what I refer to as The Beta Male Revolution
Now, there is another ‘turning point’ in attitudes toward dating, relationships, and sex that is brewing. At least, among many single heterosexual men.
You see, between roughly 1975 and say, 1999, what many women would do is engage in multiple episodes of short-term non-monogamous ‘casual’ sex with the Total Alpha male types along with a couple of short-lived ‘boyfriend-girlfriend’ relationships with men who were Alpha male with a few Beta traits & tendencies types, but then, once they saw that men from neither of those two categories were willing to propose marriage to them, they would then go seek out a man from the Beta male with a few Alpha traits & tendencies category to settle down with and have children with (if they did not already have a child or two out of wedlock).
Beginning with 2000-2005, what is known as ‘the manosphere‘ was created, and everything changed.
You now had Alpha male types sharing their experiences, knowledge, wisdom, and general dating advice with the more Beta male types. Beta males began to realize that most of the Alpha males were not the “assholes” and “abusive jerks” that the romantically frustrated women who they socially interacted with made them out to be. The Beta males realized that it was the women who CHOSE to have sex with these Alpha male types … not that they were ‘tricked’ into having sex with them or ‘forced’ into having sex with them. The Beta males collectively said, “Well, I’ll be damned. We have allowed ourselves to be duped by women who are desperately looking to ‘settle’ for someone to get married to.”
Hence, you now have what I have coined as ‘The Beta Male Revolution.’ In the same manner that women caused a profound shift in attitudes toward dating, relationships, and sex between 1960 and 1974, the growing allegiance between the Alpha male types of the world and the Beta male types of the world is beginning to change attitudes among men about the idea of monogamy and marriage in a major way.
Returning to Mrs. Kardashian-West (hyphenated last names among married women was rarely if ever seen during the Old School dating days), young women love her and idolize her because she has been able to attract a marriage proposal at least twice, despite having a reputation for being promiscuous and being a part of a highly publicized celebrity sex tape with her ex-boyfriend, entertainment industry celebrity Ray J. No woman in the 19th Century or early part of the 20th Century would have been able to attract a husband with such an unchaste and indiscriminate reputation.
Statistics show that there are more women in today’s society who are 35 years of age and older and have never been married than at any time in U.S. history. Similarly, more women have given birth to children out of wedlock than at any time in U.S. history. This is not by accident.
Many young men I work with as dating coaching clients have shared with me that they have totally lost interest in marriage, as well as any other sort of long-term monogamous relationship with women. They feel today’s women are too materialistic, too deceitful and manipulative, too disloyal and unfaithful, and they feel that too many women in today’s society want to ‘reinvent themselves’ as some sort of ‘born-again prudish good girl’ after spending years between the ages of 18 and 29 bed hopping from one Alpha male to the next.
As I say in my book, the relationship between single men and single women in this country “is probably going to get worse before it gets better.”