Today’s Misogyny: If I Can’t Get Laid, I am Going to Kill You

George Sodini

On August 4, 2009, George Sodini murdered four people and injured nine others in an LA Fitness Health & Fitness Club near Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania before committing suicide; Sodini left behind a manifesto where he expressed a high degree of romantic and sexual frustration

 

Elliot Rodger

On May 23, 2014, in Isla Vista, California, Elliot Rodger killed six people and injured fourteen others near the campus of University of California, Santa Barbara, before committing suicide; Rodger left behind a manifesto where he expressed a high degree of romantic and sexual frustration

 

Christopher Harper-Mercer

On October 1, 2015 at the Umpqua Community College campus near Roseburg, Oregon, Christopher Harper-Mercer murdered an assistant professor and eight students while nine other students were injured; Harper-Mercer left behind a manifesto where he expressed a high degree of romantic and sexual frustration

 

The 800 pound Gorilla in the room has now transformed into the 12,000 pound elephant in the room.  And that elephant is making a LOT of noise.

Before I get started with my commentary and opinions, I have to make it clear that I am not a licensed or credentialed psychiatrist, psychologist, sexologist, or sociologist.  I am simply a book author and professional dating coach who has a number of male clients that I work with both domestically and internationally.  I offer men advice that is primarily designed to help men improve their conversation skills and overall interpersonal communication skills with women.

WHERE DO WE BEGIN?

Boys develop a desire for sex usually no later than the age of twelve.  Studies have shown that many men experience their strongest desire for sex between the ages of roughly 16 and 25 (in contrast, it has been reported that most women experience their highest desire for sex between the ages of roughly 35 and 44).

Normal-shaped-spermatozoon

Men produce no less than 50 million sperm cells in their testicles per day.  More importantly, those sperm cells are highly active (because they are constantly moving around in a man’s testicles, they create a ‘massaging’ effect in a man’s testicles).

Now, couple a man’s sperm production with his reaction to visual stimuli, such as an attractive, sexy woman.  Figuratively speaking, when a normal heterosexual man is in the presence of a woman he finds physically attractive and sexually appealing, the sperm cells in his testicles send an emphatic message to the man’s conscious and/or subconscious mind, “I want out!!  I want out!!  I want to be inside that woman!!!  I want to play, ‘find the egg’ inside that woman’s vagina!!!”

So, if you are a woman reading this blog article right now, and you find yourself asking your girlfriends, “Why are men always horny?  Why are they always talking about and thinking about sex?” now you know why.  Men walk around with millions of sperm cells massaging their testicles on a daily basis aching to be released.   Add on the visual stimuli of a woman with a reasonably proportioned figure in a bikini, lingerie, or some other eye-catching outfit, and men’s sperm cells are now really motivated to be released.

When a man goes a number of days, weeks, or months without ejaculating his sperm cells, he could easily accumulate more than 10 billion sperm cells in his testicles aching to be released.   This is what many young men refer to as “Blue Balls” syndrome.

TRADITIONAL DATING vs. 21st CENTURY DATING

Prior to the 1960s, the vast majority of men in society did not usually engage in regular or semi-regular sexual activity until they got married (primarily because it was heavily frowned upon for a woman to engage in any form of sexual activity outside the context of marriage).  Consequently, many men proposed marriage to women at a relatively young age (In some states and countries, men would propose marriage as young as 14, 15, or 16 years old while other men usually proposed marriage between the ages of 18 and 24).   Only a very small percentage of men remained virgins past the age of 30.

20thCenturyDating

Then, three factors changed the dating and sexual landscape.  Those three major factors were . . .

  • The introduction of various forms of birth control such as the birth control pill (for women) and the condom (for men)
  • The Feminist Movement
  • The Sexual Revolution

The ‘good’ news:  Women became far more comfortable engaging in sexual activity with men outside the context of marriage, so many men no longer had to wait until their marital honeymoon to engage in regular or semi-regular sex for the first time.

The ‘bad’ news:  Many women began exhibiting a higher degree of hypergamous behavior.  In other words, for marriage, women began to gravitate toward the men with the highest levels of education and earning potential.  For many men who were only in possession of a high school diploma and/or had a 9-to-5 job that paid low wages, their appeal to women as a potential husband began to diminish.  And for those women who were open-minded, free-spirited, and erotically uninhibited enough to engage in one or more episodes of short-term and/or non-monogamous ‘casual’ sex with a man, they tended to gravitate toward men who were very masculine, physically handsome, erotically dominant, and/or had an established reputation for being able to please and satisfy women in bed consistently.

21stCenturyDating

If anyone has listened to my very first audiobook, Mode One: Let the Women Know What You’re REALLY Thinking, you know that I generally divide all heterosexual men in society into four general categories:

Total Alpha Males – These are the men in society that women do not necessarily want to marry or enter into a long-term monogamous relationship with, but when it comes to engaging in a few episodes of short-term and/or non-monogamous ‘casual’ sex with, these men are the most desired companions by women due to their high degree of self-confidence and masculinity, their raw sex appeal, and their general reputation for being able to leave a woman feeling pleased and satisfied sexually.  At any given point in time, this man will usually have a minimum of four different female sex companions to choose from to satisfy his sexual needs and urges.

An Alpha Male with a small percentage of Beta Male traits and attributes – These are the men in society that women most desire to enter into a long-term, emotionally profound, monogamous romantic relationship with that will hopefully lead to marriage.  Some of these men will commit themselves to their girlfriend or wife of choice, while many others in this category will usually have a girlfriend or wife plus one or more ‘on-the-side’ sex companions.  If the men in this category are single, they will usually have at least two or more women competing with each other to be these men’s next long-term girlfriend and future wife.

A Beta Male with a small percentage of Alpha Male traits and attributes – These are the men in society that tend to attract a girlfriend and potential wife by being very flattering and entertaining, very accommodating, generally allowing the woman to ‘take the lead’ (or ‘wear the pants’) in the relationship, being the financial breadwinner and spoiling women with financial support and materialistic gifts, and by offering a guaranteed promise to women of indefinite, unwavering monogamy.  Many women ‘settle’ for men in this category if they are not selected to be the girlfriend or wife of an Alpha Male with Beta traits, but if these men earn $100,000 per year or more, and they prove themselves to be a devoted father to their children, a good number of women will consider men in this category to be a reasonably ‘good catch’ in the long-run.

Total Beta Males – These are the men in society that women tend to either a) completely and indefinitely ignore, or at minimum, b) treat these men as nothing more than a purely platonic ‘play brother’ and/or ‘male girlfriend.’  Many of these men remain virgins past the age of 21 (and sometimes, past the age of 30), and will usually only be able to have sex with women who are street prostitutes, professional Call Girls, or upscale Erotic Escorts.

THE SEXUAL FRUSTRATION OF ‘TOTAL BETA MALES’ SOON TURNS TO ANGER and MISOGYNY

Some men laugh at the men in the ‘Total Beta Male’ category, and refer to them as “losers.”  Many women do as well.  To make fun of the men in this category is not good for society.  It is a mistake.

Imagine if you haven’t eaten in a week or two, and your stomach was growling with hunger.  All around you, you see people eating burgers, chicken wings, pizza, and other delicious food that smells good, but none of those men and women are offering you any food.  At some point, you are going to reach a point where you become angry and frustrated.  You might even become violent toward some of these men and women because you feel like they are being rude and mean-spirited by continuing to eat all of this good looking and great smelling food in your presence without offering you any.

Now, return to the segment of this blog article above where I described how a man’s body produces millions and millions of sperm cells in his testicles per day.   Again, couple the activity and ‘massaging effect’ of a man’s sperm cells in his testicles with all of the visual stimuli that his eyes and mind are exposed to (e.g., physically attractive, sexy women adorned in eye-catching outfits).  A (heterosexual) man’s desire for sex is only surpassed by his desire for food and water, and his desire for shelter and protection from physical danger.

In the times of ‘traditional dating’ (i.e., dating rituals prior to the 1960s), most men could handle going a few years without sex because they knew that 90 – 99% of the other men in society were in the same predicament.

Beginning with the 1970s, that began to change.  Now you had some men who began to have harems of women.  You had some men, such as pimps, who had so many female sex companions at their disposal, that they could afford to make their companions available to other men for a price (think of a ‘pimp’ as a Total Alpha Male who had so many female sex companions, that he could ‘loan some out’ to Total Beta Male types for a flat rate or a rate-per-hour fee).  If men did not have multiple female sex companions, a significant percentage of them were able to engage in sexual relations with at least one steady partner (i.e., their long-term ‘girlfriend’) even if they did not end up marrying the woman.

Then, you had another percentage of men (let’s say, roughly 20-30% of the single heterosexual men in society) who were either getting rejected repeatedly by women, placed into many women’s ‘just friends only’ category (i.e., the dreaded ‘friend zone’), or worse, who simply never developed the social skills or personal self-confidence to even approach a woman and initiate a conversation with them.

For this latter group of men, everyone seems to be having fun and being sexually satisfied except for them.  If you are having problems empathizing with these men, think again about being in a situation where you have not eaten any food in one or two weeks, but yet everyone around you has a happy, satisfied stomach.  How would you react if one of these men or women said to you, “Why do you think about food so much?  It seems like food is the only thing on your mind!”  Duh.  Ya think?

PORN + MASTURBATION and/or PROSTITUTION = A TEMPORARY FIX FOR A LONG-TERM PROBLEM

Some men will say, “Well there is always porn for those type of men to masturbate to, right?  Can’t they just rub one out?”  For a few days?  Sure. For a number of weeks?  Maybe.  For the remainder of their adult life?  Not hardly.  Some men in the ‘Total Beta Male’ category end up becoming long-term repeat clients to a particular prostitute, Call Girl, or Escort.

The ones who do not relegate themselves to a life of internet porn and masturbation and/or an indefinite lifestyle as some professional sex worker’s ‘trick’ or ‘john’ (two slang terms for man who has to pay prostitutes, Call Girls, and Erotic Escorts for sex), they begin to start seething in anger, frustration, and misogynistic bitterness.

Like many others, including myself, Napoleon Hill – author of Think & Grow Rich – asserted in his book that a man’s desire to have sex (either with one woman in particular, or a wide variety of different women) is the number one psychological factor that motivates a man to engage in self-improvement related activities and fuels most of his career-related ambitions.

Even comedian Dave Chappelle once said in a comedy bit, “If it weren’t for man’s desire for [sex], most men would be content with living in a cardboard box.  Men do not want large houses or expensive cars for their own sake.  They want those things because they know women are attracted to those things.” Based on my many conversations with men over the years, and just my general knowledge of how men think and behave, I would totally co-sign with Chappelle’s assessment.

MANY SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED, BITTER MISOGYNISTS SEE NO REASON TO KEEP LIVING IF THEY CANNOT GET LAID

Given that the desire for sex and the desire to ejaculate his millions of sperm cells is one of man’s Top 3 strongest desires and arguably his #1 motivation for pursuing academic success, career success, financial success, and maintaining a reasonably attractive physique, when a man feels like his opportunities to attract a steady sex partner who genuinely enjoys having sex with him (as opposed to the disingenuous interest of a paid sex worker) are non-existent, he reaches a point where he says, “What’s the point of living?  What’s the point of getting a job and paying my bills? What’s the point of gaining any more academic knowledge and wisdom?”

Here is when things are really frustrating for men:  When a man has a good job, a graduate degree from a respected university, a nice house, a nice car … but he has not been laid in months, if not years.  He might even be a virgin.   Yet, he witnesses another man who is unemployed, has no college degree, no house of his own, and no automobile of his own having two or more women giving him money, letting him use their cars, and satisfying him sexually almost on-command.  This man thinks to himself, “WTF?!?  WHAT AM I DOING WRONG or NOT DOING RIGHT??”

I refer to a man with this state of mind as a ‘Mode Four Misogynist.’  Others in the Pickup Artist Community refer to these men as “incels” (which means these men are sexually frustrated misogynists who are ‘involuntarily celibate’).  This man has reached a point where is not only jealous and envious of men who are ‘Total Alpha Male’ types or ‘Alpha Male with a few Beta traits’ types, but he literally hates them.  Not only does he resent the ladies’ men and prolific womanizers of the world, but he develops bitterness and hatred for the women who gravitate toward these types.

There are some men whose only desire is to take their own life when they feel that life is no longer worth living.  Then there are other men who say, “Before I kill myself … I am going to murder or injure some of these popular ladies’ men and womanizers, and some of the women who adore those types of men.”

Hence, why you have suicidal murders such as George Sodini, Elliot Rodger, and most recently, Christopher Harper-Mercer.

Listen to HBO Television Talk Show Host Bill Maher discuss these types during a ‘New Rules’ segment on a recent episode of his weekly program, Real Time with Bill Maher:

WHAT ARE THE PROPOSED SOLUTIONS?

Here are a few of my recommendations to help detect the early signs of a man who may be on his way to becoming a ‘Mode Four Misogynist’ type:

A Father who has one or more sons

If you are a father who has one or more sons, do not treat the subject of sex like it is ‘taboo.’  I have interviewed many sex therapists and sex experts on my talk radio podcast program, Upfront & Straightforward, who have conveyed to me that many parents never, ever discuss the subjects of sex with their sons and daughters.   That is a damn shame.  And when I say discuss sex, I am not referring to the basic and traditional “birds and bees” discussion.  That does nothing other than provide them with basic knowledge of how their genitalia works.

A Single, Divorced, or Widowed Mother who has one or more sons

Do not say anything to your sons to make them feel “ashamed” of their sexual desires.  Let them know that it is very natural for them to develop a strong desire to engage in sexual activity between the ages of 11 and 17.   Also let them know that their desire to masturbate is “normal.”  If you feel genuinely uncomfortable discussing the subject of sex with your son(s), refer them to a male relative, male friend, or professional dating coach who you trust and feel comfortable with to talk to them in a very real, straightforward manner about how to handle their sexual desires.

Teenage girls and Young Adult women

If you have a high school or college male classmate who gives you the impression that he is a virgin or very sexually inexperienced, do not ‘tease’ him or intentionally attempt to cause him to have an erection just for the sake of egotistical satisfaction or laughs and giggles.  If the young man who is your target is not only horny and sexually frustrated, but on top of that, possibly mentally ill, that young man may lash out at you or attempt to harm you or assault you in some way in the near future.

Teenage boys and Young Adult men

There is that saying that “boys will be boys” which implies that bullying one or more of your classmates, insulting one or more of your classmates, and poking fun at one or more of your classmates on a regular basis is an ‘acceptable’ thing to do when you are young, but the reality is … it is not. Among other incidents, the Columbine High School Massacre changed everything.

article-columbine-0414

Men (younger and older) who feel ostracized, socially rejected, lonely, and romantically and sexually frustrated

Do you feel like no other men want to be friends with you?  No women who you come in contact with want to date you and/or have sex with you? Are you bitter and resentful toward other men who you feel are more popular with the ladies than you?  Do you feel hateful and misogynistic toward the women who gravitate toward the more popular ‘Alpha male’ types and womanizer types?

If you have a father, step-father, uncle, male cousin, or older brother you can talk to about your issues, that would be my recommended “Step #1.” If that option is not available, think about discussing your issues with a professional, empathetic and non-judgmentarl mentor and dating coach such as myself or someone else you trust, and we will either help you, or refer you to someone (such as a licensed and credentialed psychiatrist) who may be able to address your issues in a more profound way than a professional dating coach and social skills coach can.

REMEMBER LADIES:  A TRUE MISOGYNIST HATES YOU and WANTS TO HARM YOU

If I have one pet-peeve related to this subject are women who very loosely and invalidly throw around the term “misogynist.”  I have actually heard some women refer to promiscuous men as “womanizing misogynists.”   Wake up call:  There is no such thing as a ‘womanizing misogynist.’  That term is as much of an oxymoron as a “meat-eating vegan” or “drug-free crackhead.”  No man who has women voluntarily satisfying his sexual desires, interests, and needs on a regular or semi-regular basis genuinely “hates” women.   Why would he?   Just because a man engaged in a few episodes of ‘casual’ sex with you and never called you again does not make him a ‘misogynist.’   Just because a man is a sexist and/or chauvinistic ‘jerk’ or ‘asshole’ does not also make him a ‘misogynist.’   Just because a man publicly expresses harsh criticisms of various aspects of women’s behavior does not make him a ‘misogynist.’  Please avoid conflating your various complaints toward men’s behavior into one invalid accusation of misogyny.

A true “misogynist” is a man that is so angry at women, bitter toward women, and hateful toward women that he ultimately wants to physically harm them, sexually assault them or rape them, or even murder them.   A misogynist is a man who has a passionate hatred for women.  A misogynist is not a man who simply leaves many women feeling egotistically frustrated and/or emotionally brokenhearted.  Please keep this in mind for future reference.

BOTTOM LINE

With the exception of a failed libido due to age or a medical ailment or handicap, all men want to engage in sexual activity on a regular or at least semi-regular basis.   Some men will always have an easier time attracting and seducing women into having sex with them than other men.   Instead of becoming envious and jealous of those men, become competitive and “up your game.”  Unemployed?  Get a job.  Overweight?  Start eating right and exercising.  Interpersonal communication skills and social skills not up to par?  Consider being mentored and tutored by a professional dating coach.

Watching internet porn and masturbating will only relieve your sexual frustrations for so long.  Spending money on prostitutes, professional Call Girls, and upscale Erotic Escorts will prove to be an unfulfilling financial burden after a while.  Make some much-needed changes and improvements in your day-to-day, week-to-week, month-to-month attitudes, beliefs, and behavior habits will provide you with some noticeable benefits in the long-run.

For those members of society that take this whole issue lightly?   Please don’t.  One day, your son or daughter or brother or sister might become the unfortunate victim of an unexpected murder-suicide.  I would surely hope not, but you just never know.  God forbid such an incident hitting you that close to home, but if indeed it does … you will never be able to say – after reading this blog article – “Oh my God!  I had no idea.”

Yes, you did.

Let the conversation begin.

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